Just a while ago, this article got viral, and several users on Facebook had been sharing it, and just so happen that an elder adult shared it, and added the comment ‘girls should dress in proper attire, it confuses others when you dress less than a prostitute’.
It’s not his exact words, but as a female myself, I had to defend the females in such situation, I used the most respectful and reasonable way to express out why I disagree with him, but he refused to take it any of the things I say, and another elder adult even came forward and claimed I was being disrespectful to this elder.
But no, I just felt strongly over a social issue, one that I can relate to, one that cannot be fully understood, unless if you’re a girl, who had been sexually assaulted.
I was molested twice on the MRT train.
Both times, I was wearing sport shorts(not the FBT kind, longer than that), thigh highs and calf boots.
Those who know me personally, would know that I often wear T-shirt and jeans, that’s like my never-changing style.
I was younger, I wanted to try something new, wear something new, I wanted to look prettier, which girl doesn’t? Which female in this world say things like ‘I want to look uglier’?
In fact what I was wearing, showed not much skin, but it still happened.
The first time I was with my friends, and when the men rubbed his penis against my hips, I was in such a shock and fear that I could barely move.
I could only run away.
The second time, I tried to get over what happened, and put on the same outfit again, and when I got onto the MRT train, a man reached his hand up my thigh.
Once again, I ran away.
From then on, I’ve almost never wore shorts, unless if I really need to exercise, and even so I would immediately change back to my jeans afterwards.
Until now I’m still in a confused state, is it really because I wore too little? Or is it the fault of those who cannot control their own urges?
One of the things I defended against the elder, was that the context of proper differs in different countries, so how do you define it? Is it not of the basic human rights to wear whatever they like, rather than being restricted to just one thing, one style, one color?
Which he later said, “So much for education is one don’t even know what is proper in the context of where they live”
To be frank, this sentence he said was a lot more offensive and disrespectful towards me as a human being than anything else I had said towards him.
Every person in this world, in different places has a different definition of proper.
An old grandmother or grandfather would think showing arms or legs is not proper, but we tell them ‘you’re being old fashion’, and just ignored their input.
A youth would think showing a little bit of skin is fine, but adults would still cringe and call her a ‘slut’, and ignored her input in this argument.
Is there a meter like this, that everyone should follow?
So what is proper? Is it just a person’s very own opinion, or is it really something the nation had widely decided?
The argument of proper clothing, should not be related to sexual assault, at all.
I would not have felt so strongly towards what this elder had said, if it wasn’t because he linked his comment to the article, which was talking about victim blaming.
The entire time, I kept repeating my stand, ‘sexual assault is sexual assault, no matter what the victim was wearing, sexually assaulting her is a crime, and whether the victim is wearing very little or not, does not affect whether is the crime any less sinful.’
The argument about whether girls should dress in proper attire or not, should be a separate issue, instead of linking it to this one.
“I don’t believe anyone deserve to be raped, BUT…”
The moment anyone add ‘but’, they are contradicting themselves.
Because nobody deserves to be raped, or sexually assaulted.
No buts, it ends there.
Sexual assault is wrong, stop defending the offenders, stop giving them reasons for their action, because one day, that lady being sexually assaulted, could be your daughter, your sister, your wife or even mother.
And the world might agree with you, it is their fault, not the offender’s fault.
How would you feel?
This post was written for me to express my own opinion, none of the other people mentioned in this post is involved, they are merely here for me to get my point across, there is a high chance they may be fictional character I created just to show an example.
No other personnel are involved, except me myself and I.