The Garden Filled With Weeds

Movie Reviews, ACG and Cosplay Discussion, or just any rambling topics that come to my mind.

Why I am Against Victim Blaming August 23, 2013


Just a while ago, this article got viral, and several users on Facebook had been sharing it, and just so happen that an elder adult shared it, and added the comment ‘girls should dress in proper attire, it confuses others when you dress less than a prostitute’.

It’s not his exact words, but as a female myself, I had to defend the females in such situation, I used the most respectful and reasonable way to express out why I disagree with him, but he refused to take it any of the things I say, and another elder adult even came forward and claimed I was being disrespectful to this elder.

But no, I just felt strongly over a social issue, one that I can relate to, one that cannot be fully understood, unless if you’re a girl, who had been sexually assaulted.

I was molested twice on the MRT train.

Both times, I was wearing sport shorts(not the FBT kind, longer than that), thigh highs and calf boots.

Those who know me personally, would know that I often wear T-shirt and jeans, that’s like my never-changing style.

I was  younger, I wanted to try something new, wear something new, I wanted to look prettier, which girl doesn’t? Which female in this world say things like ‘I want to look uglier’?

In fact what I was wearing, showed not much skin, but it still happened.

The first time I was with my friends, and when the men rubbed his penis against my hips, I was in such a shock and fear that I could barely move.

I could only run away.

The second time, I tried to get over what happened, and put on the same outfit again, and when I got onto the MRT train, a man reached his hand up my thigh.

Once again, I ran away.

From then on, I’ve almost never wore shorts, unless if I really need to exercise, and even so I would immediately change back to my jeans afterwards.

Until now I’m still in a confused state, is it really because I wore too little? Or is it the fault of those who cannot control their own urges?

One of the things I defended against the elder, was that the context of proper differs in different countries, so how do you define it? Is it not of the basic human rights to wear whatever they like, rather than being restricted to just one thing, one style, one color?

Which he later said, “So much for education is one don’t even know what is proper in the context of where they live”

To be frank, this sentence he said was a lot more offensive and disrespectful towards me as a human being than anything else I had said towards him.

Every person in this world, in different places has a different definition of proper.

An old grandmother or grandfather would think showing arms or legs is not proper, but we tell them ‘you’re being old fashion’, and just ignored their input.

A youth would think showing a little bit of skin is fine, but adults would still cringe and call her a ‘slut’, and ignored her input in this argument.

Is there a meter like this, that everyone should follow?

So what is proper? Is it just a person’s very own opinion, or is it really something the nation had widely decided?

The argument of proper clothing, should not be related to sexual assault, at all.

I would not have felt so strongly towards what this elder had said, if it wasn’t because he linked his comment to the article, which was talking about victim blaming.

The entire time, I kept repeating my stand, ‘sexual assault is sexual assault, no matter what the victim was wearing, sexually assaulting her is a crime, and whether the victim is wearing very little or not, does not affect whether is the crime any less sinful.’

The argument about whether girls should dress in proper attire or not, should be a separate issue, instead of linking it to this one.

“I don’t believe anyone deserve to be raped, BUT…”

The moment anyone add ‘but’, they are contradicting themselves.

Because nobody deserves to be raped, or sexually assaulted.

No buts, it ends there.

Sexual assault is wrong, stop defending the offenders, stop giving them reasons for their action, because one day, that lady being sexually assaulted, could be your daughter, your sister, your wife or even mother.

And the world might agree with you, it is their fault, not the offender’s fault.

How would you feel?

This post was written for me to express my own opinion, none of the other people mentioned in this post is involved, they are merely here for me to get my point across, there is a high chance they may be fictional character I created just to show an example.

No other personnel are involved, except me myself and I.

Cheers~ ^_^

 

The Female Body Size and Confidence Issue – From Guys’ POV? February 20, 2013


Note: I’m not gonna bother to censor any of their names, when you post a comment on a public page, jolly well expect it to be public else where too. I’ll only censor names when conversations are held in a place the other party expect it to be private, like a private chat, or facebook profile.

You can actually consider this to be just a rant.

You can also skip down directly to my opinions on such issues, and ignore this long argument.

Just a while ago, I got into this argument with a guy on the Singapore Poly’s confession page, about whether a fat person love and respect themselves.

Here’s the original confession,

 

Of course, being the Aries I am, I posted a reply.

Some people try to defend the person’s thinking, but I countered it either way.

Then this guy came in, his thinking is almost identical to the person who posted the confession.

My reply.

This guy continued to counter me, but in a way which I believe religious people would.

Then I gave my final reply because at the end of the day, all these argument provided for me was running in circles, just the same thing over and over again.

—————————————————————————————————————————

I really wish I could speak like TheAmazingAtheist, have a good quality camera, and do this on Youtube instead.

First and foremost, they are guys.

To all my male readers out there, if you’re a guy, don’t try to act like you understand girls well enough.

Because you almost never will, and unless if you’ve been inside the brain of each and every girl on this planet, don’t try to act as though you do.

You can understand the few girls that you’ve dated, your sister, mother, or even grandmother, but that’s just the tip of the iceberg.

There are times even girls do not understand ourselves, but we see through things females do a lot easier than you can.

What seem confident about a girl to you? How much skin she dares to show?

Let me tell you, the more a girl flaunt her body, the less confident she is.

How is that even possible?

Because she’s fishing for you compliment, she wants to flaunt it so as to feel loved and wanted.

Surprising huh?

A true confident lady don’t need to flaunt anything, she don’t need to show her body to you to prove that she’s confident, confidence is an attitude, not an action.

Now moving on to fat pride.

Almost everyone on the comment section assumed that I’m fat… Well I can’t exactly say am I fat or not, but for those of you who had seen me in real life, you can be the judge.

I’m not thin or fit, that’s for sure.

The people on the comment section kept repeating one thing, which is, ‘Fat people have no self love and self respect, they don’t love their body’.

How do you love your body? Love itself is very abstract.

Let me use an apple as an example. I love this apple, so, am I gonna eat it, or not? Because I love it, but love it as in, eating it? Or preserving it and hugging and and taking care of it?

That’s the giant flaw in their argument, how can you define how another person love something else.

A person love his or her body because she simply love and accept everything of themselves, or a person love his or her body because they’re taking care of it?

I hate arguing about abstract things, such as God.

Because there’s no basis to what you’re saying, no real life example, no hard solid evidence which I can counter.

You’re giving me a thinking, an ideal, like making me a castle in the sky, and expect me to jump onto it.

The entire time, these guys were trying to tell me what sort of girls attract them.

Guess what, I don’t give a fuck.

The other guy even tried to do it on a personal level, by telling me I’m unattractive to him.

Guess what, I don’t give a fuck.

I have a boyfriend, so why the fuck do I care? As long as he loves me for me, he thinks I’m attractive, I’m not gonna give a shit to what other guys think.
(Which is the direct evidence my previous post about weight and size issues is valid, the opinion of someone we love is way more important than a stranger’s)

It’s funny, because throughout my argument, I’ve never said anything like, “you should date fat girls, you should be attracted to them’.

The entire time, I was trying to explain that every living human being can have self love and self respect, regardless of their size, race, age, sexual-orientation, anyone can love themselves, why are you saying these people don’t?!

Simply because they don’t follow your lifestyle? They’re not like you?

So can I say that, a guy who takes half nude pictures of themselves and post it online have no self love and respect for himself? Because that’s exactly what he did.

I clicked on his profile, and I see himself taking half nude pictures of himself.

I’m gonna say, you have no self respect for your body because you’re showing it to the entire world.

But no, that’s just my opinion, I can’t force it on you.

In fact that’s not even my opinion, for those of you who still don’t realise it, I’m simply using it as an example.

Yet the entire time, they’re trying to tell me, oh I love a girl who train herself, who lift weights, who stay fit.

Yeah, so the fuck what? I didn’t mention no shit about girls you’re attracted to, you can say, you love girls with D cup boobs, and I won’t give a single fuck.

Because that’s your opinion, something I won’t even bother trying to control or change, why would I? Who are you to me? Not like you’re my 12 year old daughter falling in love with a pedophile.

Actually, I do understand why they keep mentioning it, they’re trying to seek reassurance from me, try to get me to say, ‘yeah those girls are the best, fat chicks are not worthy, everyone should date fit chicks’.

You, my dear reader, should know that I won’t.

I adore fat people, I adore them, I adore how chubby and nice it is to hug them, I fucking love it when they have poise and pride, when they’re happy to be who they are.

I adore fit people, I adore their dedication, I adore how they can be the perfect anatomy model for my drawing assignments, I love the determination in their eyes to reach their own personal goals.

One last thing that got me very annoyed is that, these guys thinks that, if a girl is fit, she must be really confident, if a girl is fat, she must have no confidence at all.

Now, if you’re a guy, let me lead you to explore the female brain a little, if you’re a female, let’s just review on this thing we can all agree on.

99.9% of the females on this planet, are not 100% happy with themselves.

Which brought about the famous Dove advertisement, that told all the ladies, you’re beautiful for who you are, and don’t think otherwise.

If you don’t know about it, here’s a video.

Dove realised one thing, most ladies aren’t happy with themselves, they want to become someone else, usually someone on TV, or megazines, someone who they believe is perfect.

No matter how fit, skinny, plump, fat, tall, short a girl is, they won’t be happy with themselves.

If you think that the lady in a club, her make up is perfect…

Have you ever think about this, why is she wearing make up then? If she’s confident about herself?

If she work out, is she really trying to stay fit, or just because someone told her they don’t have her size for a beautiful dress she saw in a shop?

This is one thing most guys always don’t understand, females are like that, and if your girlfriend ever ask you, is she fat?

Don’t, don’t you dare, don’t you ever tell her, ‘yes’.

The answer is always NO.

Unless if you want to cripple her confidence for the rest of her life, and make her hate herself.

Anorexia and bulimia exist for a reason, people die from it, our society is hard on us, and yet these guys are still trying to tell girls, ‘you’re fat, go work out, if not I won’t even giving you a second look’.

You’d be surprised how many people agreed with the confession, liked it, shared it, hailed the guy who posted the confession as a hero.

You don’t ever, EVER talk about a girl’s size like that, and act like you’re justified.

There are girls, who have the BMI that is considered underweight, who STILL think they’re fat.

And here you are, saying, ‘fat chicks don’t deserve my second look’.

Did you know that, girls who consider themselves as fat, aren’t limited to just girls who are overweight?

Even skinny girls will cry about how they think they’re fat, even the fit girls might feel like they’re not ‘fit’ enough.

The dream girl these guys are looking for, is a mere 0.01% of the entire female population, and might become extinct if these guys continue with their attitude.

I believe those guys barely knew much about love, and you might agree or disagree with me.

But if you love someone, and they grow fat, if you’re giving them up simply because of that, no, you don’t love them.

Love is beyond superficial things like looks or money, love is a choice you make.

You choose to continue loving that person, no matter what they become, no matter whether do they lose a leg or completely have their face ruined, you love them anyway, and never give them up.

That is love, despite the fact I’m a non-religious person, I have a huge respect for the Roman Catholic marriage vow, which is the following.

“I, ____, take you, ____, to be my (husband/wife). I promise to be true to you in good times and in bad, in sickness and in health. I will love you and honor you all the days of my life.”

In good times and in bad, in sickness and in health, that is love, not something like, ‘the moment you grow fat, I’ll want to give you up’.

No, that’s not love, that’s just attraction.

That’s end of this long post about somethings in life I just can’t agree with, sorry if you hated it, thank you if you loved it.

Also terribly sorry for my long absence, I’m being honest here, was REALLY busy with school, barely even had time to sleep, but right now it’s my holidays, and I hope I can squeeze more blog posts out of myself.

 

People Behind Bars September 24, 2012

Filed under: random — Zakito @ 12:01 AM
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

The title is misleading in some ways, but what I’m focusing on today is about visitors of jail.

Let me give you some background story before I start voicing my opinions on some issues.

So when I was secondary 3(2 year ago), the school selected a few students from each class, to participate in this program that requires us to go to the jail(along with the school) and have an understanding of how jails are like, and how we should not end up in there.

I felt a bit offended, to be honest, because I thought they selected me because they think I am a terrible student and need discipline.

So I asked my mom to talk to the teacher-in-charge and got me out of this program.

2 years ago, my thoughts were selfish.

2 years later, when I think back, it was no longer something embarrassing, instead it’s something I’m glad I dropped out of.

I imagined how it would be like if I did go, I would see the prisoners, behind bars, or doing somethings they had to do.

Then the thought came to me, “in that way it’s just like visiting a zoo”.

They’re behind bars, they’re shown to the students as a bad example, students from every school visit the prisoners just to look at how much of a terrible person they were, and ended up being like this.

It was cruel, too cruel.

If I had ended up in jail, the last thing I want to be seen as, is a caged animal.

I have a rather strong sense of dignity and pride, and even as a prisoner I would not be able to take such shame.

Singapore is not exactly the kindest towards their prisoners, canning is something so common that, we do it in public schools too.(I have personally witnessed it twice)

Of course canes in prison are a lot harder and stronger than the ones used in school, to the stage they can literally split someone’s ass into many parts.

Yes, there will be blood.

For a country who could do this to their prisoners, letting the prisoners be zoo animals for a few hours definitely doesn’t sound that bad, right?

In a way I admit, it is a rather powerful message, it works well, fear factor worked perfectly, crime rates are considered low compared to other cities…

But I just can’t do that.

I can’t bear the thought of looking at another human being, not knowing their story, and immediately judging them as if they’re despicable.

I don’t want to be judged like that, so neither do I want to judge others like this.

Many think it’s harmless, because they think, ‘I’ll never be in that position’.

But who knows?

 

Things I Wanted But Glad Did Not Buy September 22, 2012


All of us definitely had been through this before, the temptation of wanting to buy something, yet at the same time, you’re unsure of whether will it be a right choice later on.

It may not apply to rich people, but for most of us, it is a huge dilemma.

So a few days ago, I’ve got an idea to list out all the things that I’ve wanted to get, but is glad I did not.

1.DSLR Camera


This might seem surprising, but I actually have a slight interest in photography.
I even went to the extend of really researching on the price of an average DSLR camera, the models, and stuff like that.
However, as you could probably guess, the price was not exactly that affordable, so I just decided that maybe not now.
After sometime, when I think back, I’m actually pretty glad I did not give in to the temptation and get that camera.
Reason being, after actually studying about photography and videography, I realised that this just isn’t my thing.
All the functions, the settings, it’s too confusing for me.
So yeah, so glad.

 

 

2.Ball-Jointed Dolls

For those of you who are not familiar with what this is, these are actually really pretty dolls that you can move their joints and change their body parts, clothes and wigs/hair, even make up.
Don’t associate them with Barbie dolls because you can’t develop feelings and affection for Barbie dolls.
They’re so pretty that I really really wanted one.
Just like the DSLR camera, BJDs are really expensive, and hard to take care of.
After thinking through, I realised that I’m really not the figurine/dolls type of person who can put in so much effort to make them look good, and just feel happy by having them.
I high respect all my friends who own BJDs, because I can see how much time and effort they had put in, and how much they love them, so yeah, I really respect that.
At the same time, I know I can’t do the same.

 

 

 

3.Tablet PC

This was when I really wanted to be able to draw on the computer, to be able to do digital painting.
Same old problem, too expensive, hard decision to make, left it hanging for a while and realised that I really didn’t need it that much.
I already have two laptops(One of them is a Macbook, don’t judge me school forced me to get it), and I’m not even that good doing traditional drawings yet, so getting a tablet PC would be a total waste of money and resources.

 

 

 

 

4.iPad


Similar to the tablet PC, however the temptation only came to me when I saw the announce of the first iPad.
I saw the introduction on Apple’s website, and thought that the iPad is such an awesome tool and I totally need.
As usual, the price frightened me, and so I went to research on whether is it really worth it.
Honestly speaking the article I read back then made me pretty bored, but in the end I still didn’t get it.
After a few years, one of my best friends obtained an iPad from a business partner of her father, and I played around with it for just 5 minutes and decided that I totally didn’t need this.
What a relief I had, to find out that I didn’t spend the precious money on something I actually really didn’t need.

 

 

5.Playstation/Xbox


When I was younger, the two consoles were just so damn attractive to me.
They’re like Playboy magazine cover girls for teenage boys to me.
That was when I was REALLY young, like…. 10?
When I saw the console in an electronics store, I begged my mom to buy it for me.
Being the kind mother my mom is, she usually wouldn’t deny any requests from me unless if she really can’t do it.
Yes, it was too expensive, and so my mom just comforted me and led me away.
Now that I think back, I realised that my love for games is already satisfied by computer games and GBA/NDS games.
I really didn’t need the Playstation or Xbox, and some of my friends who have it can just let the whole bunch of our friends go to their house and play it TOGETHER.
Which is better than getting the console by myself and be forever alone and play all the games alone.
Yeah.

 

6.Japanese Lessons


Okay this is something I’m glad I did not choose to take/learn.
Actually I do really want to learn Japanese, and it was on my mind for like, a decade?
But if you’re like me, who still makes a lot of errors in English, already starting to suck in my mother tongue(Chinese), studying a new language might not actually be a good choice.
Especially when I have no plans to go to Japan at all, I can rely on translation groups when I read Manga or watch Anime.
I’m already struggling with my own studies(well usually before the deadlines are near), Japanese lessons will probably make my life a lot harder and I’m not sure whether am I ready for that stress.
I’m a coward, sue me.

 

 

 

 

7.Diet Pills

Let’s face it, most girls think that they’re fat, and it’s proven that I am pretty fat according to Asian standards.
I’m about 66kg and 169cm tall. My BMI is 23.1, which is normal, but it used to be just 20.
You can imagine how depressed I was when I noticed my weight gain, and so desperate measures(I hate exercising), I wanted to get diet pills.
Compared to other things, they’re pretty damn expensive, and so I just left the idea there for a while and forgot about it.
Now that I think back, not getting it is the right choice(I suppose), I don’t even know whether will it 100% work on me, and if it doesn’t, I would have spent the money for nothing.

 

 

These are all I can think of at this moment, I’ll make a part 2 next time when I remember more.

I might even do a ‘Things I Regret Buying’ post next time.

Do comment about things you’re glad you did not buy too.

 

Being Imperfect August 17, 2012


Just yesterday(and today) I had a terrible argument with my boyfriend, because he commented that my body size is plump and that he prefers skinnier girls.(which he later realise it was a misunderstanding because he misheard me, but the plump part remains)

Now I have already raged at him and made him regret what he said.

But it made me reflect on somethings.

Every single human being on this planet, would have one or two things they’re unhappy about themselves.

But we know it ourselves too, that we’re suppose to accept who we really are.

It’s easier said than done though.

Before my boyfriend made the comment, I was actually happy with who I am.

I knew I wasn’t perfect of course, but I didn’t mind it that much.

I could walk down the street without feeling ashamed of having a hip that’s way too big, or having my stomach fats showing sometimes when I sit down.

I walk around school everyday seeing girls who have perfect figures, girls who look astonishingly beautiful, but all those didn’t affect me much at all.

I used to believe that unhealthy dieting is wrong, and anorexia/bulimia shouldn’t be promoted or encouraged.

However everything I stood for changed when I heard the comment he made.

The point of this post is not to degrade him, it isn’t even about him, but it’s about me, us, people who are imperfect.

Remember that time when a friend told you about how he/she think he/she’s not good enough? And you tell him/her, accept you for who you are?

It is only when you were pushed into his/her position, then you realise how hard that is.

The media had told us that people have to be skinny to look good, every celebrity looks fucking perfect…

They’re the unattainable goal, and we always want to reach there someday.

After hearing his comments, I wanted to starve myself, do all sorts of stupid stuff because it was really a big blow to my self confidence.

You see, people don’t become anorexic for nothing, it must have been something that made them that way, and that something is the fact everyone is telling them your body is not good enough you need to lose some pounds.

During the contemporary issues lesson we had in school, our teacher told us about size 0 models and how the society is thinking that being thin is better than fat.

Then I went on to research about it, and I found this tumblr blog.

When I looked at it back then I was astonished, this girl is already at her healthy BMI yet she wants to be underweight, I couldn’t understand.

However, now I could.

The owner of the blog had once received a comment from a close friend regarding her weight, and since then she just couldn’t do it and had to make herself lose weight to feel better.

There were many thoughts going through my head after my confidence was crushed, I wanted to go through all the unhealthy methods I heard about losing weight, I wanted to become one of those attention whores I despised and show off my body if I ever did lose weight.

Then a friend told me, “You’re better than that.”

Of course, I despised attention whores, I never supported the idea of unhealthy dieting, but at that moment I became desperate.

The desperation of wanting to become socially acceptable and attractive was overpowering.

I was raised in a family which doesn’t criticize each other’s looks, my mom always told me I was beautiful, she never comments on my weight and always tells me I’m fine.

It’s not the typical Asian families you hear of in stereotypical articles or books.

I remember when I was younger, I was really fat.

A bit less than now but considered really fat.

And all the boys in my class made fun of me, even my crush at that age.

For some reason that didn’t really affect me, perhaps because they aren’t anyone important to me.

There was once when I was dressed in cosplay and a friend commented “nice stomach” sarcastically, and that didn’t bother me too, because he isn’t anyone important.

But when someone important in your life tells you that you aren’t the best in their eyes, things get pretty serious.

When I said I wanted to become an attention whore, it’s not because I am one, but because I kinda feel like these attention people will give me will be able to boost my confidence and I will start to feel happy again.

I mean look at JNig, she gets boys loving her just because her two ladies are always saying hello to the world.

Unfortunately I wasn’t born that lucky my assets aren’t as awesome as her’s.

However when my friend told me that I’m better than that, I agreed, and it made me brush off that idea.

No matter how unconfident I am, if I want people’s respect and not treat me like nothing other than two round sack of fats, I shouldn’t go that way.

I am better than that, I actually have a sense of humour and I actually want people to pay attention to what I have in my mind.

Well still I haven’t given up on the idea of losing a few pounds, after all it is for the greater good, I have a lot of cosplays that won’t look good with that huge lower body of mine.

Maybe not the unhealthy way, but I’ll work on it.

Sorry if this post seems like a rant and too personal to be interesting, I just hope it helps some people who are going through the same thing.

 

 
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